You shouldn't have to translate yourself to your coach.
I'm 58. I'm gay. I coach gay men in this chapter of life from the inside — not as an ally, not as a clinician, but as someone who knows the specific weight of it.
If you're looking for someone who gets it without explanation — I do.
I know this chapter.
There's a particular kind of weight that comes with being a gay man over 40. Some of it is the obvious stuff — aging in a community that has often worshipped youth, navigating what intimacy looks like at this stage, figuring out what a fulfilling life actually means now.
But some of it is harder to name. The shame that outlived the closet. The grief of years spent performing — for family, for colleagues, sometimes for yourself. The sense that you've survived so much but aren't sure you know how to actually live. The loneliness that can exist even when you're surrounded by people.
A lot of gay men over 40 have done some version of therapy. Maybe it helped. Maybe it got you partway there. But there's something specific about working with someone who doesn't need the subtext explained. Who already knows what it cost. Who's been in some version of the same rooms.
That's what I bring to this work. Not just credentials — presence. The kind that only comes from living it.
What we work on.
The specifics are different for every person. But certain themes come up again and again in this work.
Self-confidence
Not the performed kind — the real kind. Knowing who you are and being able to stand in that, in relationships, in work, in the world.
Relationships and intimacy
Whether you're single and wondering if connection is still possible, in a relationship that's run into walls, or somewhere in between — this is workable.
Shame and self-acceptance
Shame is stubborn. It outlasts the closet. It outlasts therapy. Getting to the actual root of it — not just managing it — is what this work does.
What a fulfilling life looks like now
Not the life you thought you'd have. The life that's actually available to you — at this age, with this history, as this person. That's a real question and it deserves a real answer.
Grief and lost time
The years spent performing. The relationships that didn't happen. The version of yourself you didn't get to be sooner. Grief is real. So is what comes after it.
Recovery
Addiction and recovery are disproportionately present in gay men's lives. I'm in recovery myself. This is ground I know well and work I take seriously.
READY TO CHANGE?
Your first conversation is free. No pitch, no pressure — just an honest talk. Reach out however feels easiest.